Category Archives: Art/Draw/Paint/Create

Reno’s, Guests, Gardening and Retirement = Avoidance

Getting focused takes time.  In my case I had the pleasure of distraction to keep me occupied and not write a blog post.  Four months of distraction.

My son and his wife moved.  My husband and I participated in packing, moving, unpacking, painting and often were the clean-up crew.  By choice.

I made the decision to make a change in employment.  At age 60 I can do this and I can call it retirement.  It doesn’t mean I no longer wish to earn an income.  I knew it was time to focus on writing and get back to splashing some color on a canvas and I haven’t figured out the details of income just yet.  I’m going to avoid that topic for now.

Kind of like I’ve been avoiding the urge to write here. It seems like the more I’ve been busy getting connected with writer conferences and other writers, the more I realize I’m exposing myself, the more my nervous system has kicked in, AKA fear.

The more nervous I’ve become, the more I’ve found to do elsewhere such as the home renovation projects that line a full page of paper my husband and I have posted on the kitchen cupboard – all color coded with dates attached as to when they will be done.

In perfect timing, friends that were planing to come to visit this spring decided to arrive just one full week after my last bit of employment ended.  I spent a week cleaning my own home and prepping for guests.  We had 10 great days with them and then I had to face my avoidance again.

So what did I do? I began to paint the walls in what we call our sunroom.  This was stage two of the renovation in that room. Stage one was re-insulation of the ceiling and addition of new ceiling tiles.  I was the helper and my husband was the general manager, contractor and construction labor person.

The sunroom is where my acrylic paint supply live, where all my writing instruction books hang out and where the collection of books I like to read and won’t throw away gather on the book shelves.  Everything needed to be sorted, cleaned, rearranged and taken out of the room for the walls to be painted. Then the whole room needed to be put together again.  That was a job worthy of several days of avoidance.

And then my flower and veggie garden need constant tending.  The garden is my best go to place to putter and bury my fears.  Flowers, color explosions to admire, pots to rearrange and weeds to pull all serve to allow my mind to wander, dream and create.

I spent an eight hour day last weekend soaking up my inner calm, in the garden.  In the make up of who I am, things seem to need to be in order inside before I can take a step forward in a new direction. Inside also means my outside surroundings.  I suppose that is what I’ve been doing with all this avoidance – just getting ready.

Ready.  Moving forward.

 

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As Darkness Falls

Recently I spent 17 days in Mesa, Arizona at Val Vista, (http://www.cal-am.com/resorts/resorts_details.php?resorts_id=2&search=quick) among hundreds, possibly thousands of Snowbirds – the name given to people of the retired age who fly or drive to live or vacation in the many Southern parts of the world.  Sitting around the pool, or riding my borrowed bike to a local Pickleball court to join up with a friendly group of women that I met, or simply bundling up at night for a stroll around the park, (the temperatures do drop) made it a challenge to even think about the vacation coming to an end.

Waking up to the nearly every day sunshine and an overhead blue ceiling produced an abundance of energy, which was needed to accomplish all the bike riding, Pickleball, walking, swimming, exploring and shopping that I and my husband Ross managed to do.

One evening, after a full day of play and entertaining myself and while Ross was still out on some golf course, or rather traveling home from one, the sun was setting and I happened to look outside our rental unit to see the sky change from blue to pink to shadows.  Of course I grabbed my camera and captured the moment.  I remember a sense of calm which came over me, the belief that all was well with my world, the awe of a day closing and feeling safe, secure and at peace. I nested within myself and as I think about it now, it was as though a warm blanket covered me, protected somehow as I watched darkness fall.

Sunset @ Val Vista

Sunset @ Val Vista

I do love that cozy feeling of the sun setting and my adjustment as evening takes over and I turn lights on but it wasn’t always like that as darkness covered me.  I often wrestled with darkness when I was young.  As a child, I dreaded the night for that was when I listened to arguments, when shadows revealed scary wind, branches that scratched at the window, the fear of being alone and various behaviors of others that tore off my security.  Instead of sleep, too often my mind remained occupied with thoughts of being robbed, of my parents marriage breakup and my splintered family.  Under the weight of darkness evil lurked at every corner of my imagination which produced a wild and uncontrolled panic within.  I took all those realities and imagined fears with me into my teenage and young adult life, until one by one I was able to look at them in the daylight and dismantle their power.

As a young adult and a new spiritual awareness of God, who became my strength and healer; with family, friends and a long process of support, my unstable childhood receded into the shadows – still there but lacking power to control.

So that one vacation sunset day stands out among others as I took pictures and listened to the hum of days end, as lights blinked on and the smell of barbecues cooked up an evening meal.   I absorbed all that my senses could take in, then settled onto a couch to read a book until my man arrived ‘home.’

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End and Begin

Here it is again, the end of a year and the beginning of a new one. Last year I chose a word to live by rather than making a list of New Year’s resolutions which I may or may not have followed.  I came across ONEWORD THREE SIXTY FIVE and adopted the idea.

Last years Word of the Year was Surrender and here I’ve hit yet another learning curve in my older age of navigating being a writer, connecting with social media, and trying to stay current with developing computer skills. Surrender to the fact that I’ve much to learn, must ask for help, must yield to instruction, follow instructions, then retain all that information to repeat actions in the future.

In order to finish what I originally set out to do: write about my word for this year, I had to teach myself a new skill which was to find the title of a previous post and insert it correctly with a title and not a long list of… what is the computer word for a bunch of letters, symbols and ….ahh…yes ‘code’?  This was definitely a ‘learn as I go’ post.

I read Claire De Boer’s  article on her chosen word and I borrowed her plan to think, pray and toss around ideas for what my word would be…several options presented themselves until it became clear. It wasn’t until after I’d chosen my word, gone back and read Claire’s article again that I spotted my word right there in the middle of her writing. Thank you Claire. It was confirmation somehow that I was on the right path.

I am currently reading The Inheritance by John and Lyza Clarke who share several of their sailing excursions along with spiritual truths of travelers from the Old Testament. In one particular chapter John was telling about the time he and his son were on the boat together, stuck at dock waiting for some stormy weather of wind and rain to end so they could continue sailing.

John says, “Two things are especially important to remember on a sailboat voyage. One is you need a destination to head for and the second is you have to keep moving. If you stay in one place too long, its charm diminishes and restlessness sets in. A destination gives you a direction, a distance to cover, and a sense of accomplishment. When our children were young, we headed for Desolation Sound and back to Seattle on our summer vacations. They anticipate the special places along the way, like good old Sydney Spit, Hawkins Island, Bucaneer Bay, or Harmony Island, but we always hauled anchor and moved on to the next spot before they grew tired of each place’s uniqueness. By the end of the trip we looked forward to the routines of home and were ready to get off the boat. But then we repeated the same cycle the next year and the kids never tired of it as long as we kept moving.”

I was prompted to read that paragraph several times and then continued to read, “Life, too, needs a purpose or destination to keep progressing toward. We are meant to keep moving toward the inheritance through the lessons God has prepared, to a place where the intimate knowledge of God and a mature character are the goals.”  While John and his son were stuck waiting out the storm they explored the beaches and kept moving and as John says, “talking about life.”

It was during those repeated readings the word FORWARD came to settle upon me as the focus for upcoming year. FORWARD is significant for me because it clarifies how to set goals and ask myself if any particular thought, book, activity or habit will move me or not.

Over my life journey I’ve needed to look back a lot, to sort out where I came from, heal from wounds and discover who I was – a tendency though is to emotionally live back there if I’m not careful. To let go and look FORWARD is wise and good inner advice for me to follow. As I approach my 60th birthday – oh right, that happened in October…as my husband Ross approaches his 60th birthday in February and we anticipate our 35th wedding anniversary in March we’ve planned a fun holiday for ourselves.

A few ideas of putting my word into daily life plan means I can prioritize my writing activities and decide whether they are moving me in the direction I want or need.  I may even dig my paint brushes out of confinement and get creativity going again.

I can focus on the big dream I have of one day walking the Pacific Coast Trail which runs from the Canada/US border all the way to the Mexico border which I’ve loosely read about. In looking toward that walking trek I can make choices about how much I will walk this month, this week, this day. I can choose how I treat my feet, my health, my attitudes about fitness and how I will use my mind while out walking.

I enjoy my family and friends, the game of Pickleball, the recovery/discipleship ministry called Freedom Session and I anticipate what will come in this next year as I keep my word in front of me as a guide. I want to step in the direction of my destination as it unfolds before me.

Oh, and after several hours of experimenting with how to ‘simply’ insert a link from another website I accidentally did it right one time and after that…well, I managed, with help to do it again.   I am moving FORWARD.

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Pearls for the Girls

Recycled Pearl Necklace

Recycled Pearl Necklace

A great surprise for me this past December was discovering a creative talent in a fellow Pickleball player when he showed me pictures via his phone, of some necklaces he had crafted out of recycled ‘bits’, stones and beads etc,  that he’d picked up.  Using silver wire as the link to pull it all together which he carefully twisted into tiny designs of loops he managed to create some lovely jewelry.

While admiring his craft my mind looped over to my home jewelry box which contained an unused pearl necklace so I pondered out loud and drew him into my visual idea of creating two bracelets.  I gave him a couple of ideas and being the artist creative type that he is,  he agreed to try out the project.

The next time I saw my friend my pearl necklace was handed over and off he went.  I thought it may take weeks to put the bracelets together but within 24 hours I was shown one of the designed pieces, complete with a Turquoise stone he had laying around in his supply stash of jewels.  Within a couple more days I had both bracelets in hand.

These bracelets became two surprise gifts in Christmas stockings – something special for two special ladies in my family.

If anyone is interested in having a jewelry piece created or redesigned please respond via this blog and I will pass on your name and contact info to my friend who has given me permission to post this blog.

Logistics of location, postage, etc…will have to be decided upon between artist and purchaser.  I’m a writer, not usually considered a salesperson, however, the above picture may lure you in as my friend’s phone photo of his handiwork stirred up my own artistic mind.

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