Late fall 2015. Casa Grande, (Palm Creek) Arizona.
A holiday home for a month – a blank canvas and high hopes.
I took paints, containers, a canvas and an easel and set them on display on the table out on the patio.
For days I walked by the canvas as I went to and from the hot-tub, riding bike, playing a few games of pickleball or going for a walk.
Then I needed pain pills, an ice pack, a heat pack, stretches and rest.
I looked at the canvas with longing while I procrastinated telling myself I was just getting ready. It was true – I simply needed to get into the space where I could let my hand, pencil and creativity connect with one another and then touch the canvas.
Rather like an exercise plan or a change to healthier eating or digging through a very cluttered closet. There comes a moment, that space in time when one just knows to go ahead and take a step forward.
One day I did pick up my pencil. I needed some stress relief and it felt good. So much had been going on in the background of my mind filling up all the creative spaces and I first had to let the worry and concern leak out and give my head some room.
Just before leaving for our holiday an unwanted and unexpected stressful situation arose with a group I was involved in and potential loss of a friendship and it weighed heavily on my heart.
Driving had become so stressful since my car accident a year ago, with me always sighing in relief to get out of the car, either to stop driving or to ease the constant pinch in my back. It’s a long drive from BC, Canada to Arizona and I drove because that is fair in a shared relationship but I didn’t exactly do my ‘fair share’.
This was my first large painting I was to try in that space of a year as I’d been focused on other areas of life like physio, massage, doctor appointments, fitness classes and trying to get myself back to what I believed my normal should be.
Once I began drawing my mind focused and shapes emerged on the canvas. A fresh sense of excitement began to build and if not daily, then every other day I found myself slipping out the patio door and adding a touch of paint at various points on the canvas.
This stepping into my ‘painterly world’ continued for the next several weeks.
To me, this meant I was returning to myself and some deep part of me was healing.
Join me in future posts as I continue to share journal entries, slather on sunscreen for the outdoor daytime fun and while I slather paint on canvas to release the inner drive to feel full color again.
Here I sit, working an overnight job, with the available time to write. How great is that. I’m caring for an elderly gentleman, simply being nearby in case he needs anything through the night. For those who may have read my earlier posts of a month ago, I was finished doing my companion care employment.
Turns out I’m working again.
The photo above was taken while on a missions trip to Mexico in 2005. My husband Ross and I were with a team of approx 50 people and it was a whirlwind of activity. Since then I ended up in the same location several more times. I love the photo, the memories it stirs up of fun, sun, closeness, companionship, love, grief, sadness for others, shared experience and hardship.
It all added up to joy. Serving. Giving.
I’ve been in the restless stage of life, at least for me it is restless. I am seeking to link in a lot of loose ends of my life such as writing, painting (art/creativity), volunteering with Freedom Session – a 12 step faith based healing/discipleship/recovery ministry, keep growing as a woman – education/new job/new activities, etc….and then call it all a career.
Perhaps I simply need to call it my life.
But, here I am, past midnight getting all excited about so many possibilities of things to do (though by 7 tomorrow morning all I will want to do is hop into my bed) However, in all the planning (thinking) I’ve discovered there are a couple significant events taking place this year.
This year we will mark our 34th wedding anniversary…
This year I will turn 60…
This is amazing to me because I seem unable to relate to that fact. I just got used to saying I was 50, then admitting I was 55 and now suddenly 4 more years have passed me by. Then to top it off, I’ve been married nearly 34 years – how does that happen?
Filed under Faith Path, Life Lessons, Writing Tips/Comments
Tagged as freedom session, grief, love, mexico, paint., recovery ministry, wedding anniversary, write