Do you ever look at life – your own life and wish one thing could stay exactly as it is while longing to change one or more areas, again either of self or others or even situations. I do.
In the above painting I really liked the sky and how the light shimmered over the hills and sandy beach.
However the sand was too dark and the rock cliff in the foreground not defined enough for my liking so I began to mess with it. I wanted to get rid of all the green that injected itself into the sea. It wasn’t there before and I wondered how I missed it – though I’d put it there.
I have a lot of life to look back on from where I am today, facing life as a senior and in the last five years much self reflection has taken place. It puts me right at today.
When my house is clean, the sun is shining and all is well in my relationships I believe life just couldn’t get any better. I live by the ocean and can soak up the sound of bubbling ripples whenever I want. My adult children live close enough to visit regularly. I’m not working to earn a living any more – hubby is the one who goes off each day and will continue that for a few more years. Much of time is my own – an enviable state for many people.
Yet on a dark and dismal day as the drops run down the window my tears sometimes match the flow. When a relationship conversation turns in a direction I didn’t anticipate I am left with a crumpled pile of emotions sitting in my lap and I can feel paralyzed.
I try to balance the dark days and bask in the light days – but sometimes I am simply not in control. Then, I must look in, look out, seek help – let go. Move forward.
I lost some of the lightness in the sky and the plan is to find it again but it will take work.
My cliffs are taking shape, the green sea is not so stormy any longer and the sand is slowly shifting to a softer glow. It is a work in progress. Like me. And, perhaps you.