Learning Curves and Nerves

Learning curves have been coming from several places this past month and they sure keep my mind alert, especially at night when I’d rather be sleeping.

One nice thing is when I roam the house at night my totally dedicated Thomas the Cat joins me.   If I give him some treats or soft yukky food from a can that he loves, he will then curl up near me and contentedly snore away the rest of the early morning hours while I write or read.

About those learning curves…dealing with health issues with a strange pain in my left lower abdomen and discovering the world of Diverticulosis and Diverticulitis and the difference between the two hasn’t been fun.  It adds up to nausea, pain and 10 days of two different antibiotics which in the end the same said pain is still lingering.  More waiting for tests and more waiting for results.

I was excited as a newly formed art group was being hatched and unfortunate me, I’ve now missed two opportunities to join in as I lay on my bed or couch or even as I sat out in my special spot in the back yard, moaning, whining, and wishing I could be anywhere but where I was.

My Happy Spot

In the month of feeling uncomfortable and then downright ill for ten plus days has taught me a few things and maybe even more than a few.  I am still processing what I’ve learned.

I have a lot of things on the go, me being one of them and I didn’t enjoy being sidelined.

I have writing projects in piles that I wonder what I’ll do with in the end (finishing is a good idea) and now that my ren0’d sun room is done, AKA the art/writing room and table where the cat perches I have no reason to avoid being in there, working.

I say working, though there currently isn’t any pay attached to what I’m doing.  I just have a need to ‘do it.’

As a new member of InScribe Christian Writers’ Fellowship  I am attending a writing conference near the end of September in Edmonton and  I’m preparing for that.  I entered a contest.  Following the guidelines for submission, fighting with my inner critic who kept telling me all the reasons why I shouldn’t even bother, plus battling nausea and weakness from above health issues almost kept me from getting my little story sent off.

In the perseverance and determination to submit something, I’ve been reading  FellowScript InScribe Magazine and getting introduced to my new, as yet unmet friends in Inscribe via their writing, sharing their hearts and giving away their insight and knowledge.  It has helped me with the courage I needed to submit one itty-bitty-little story.

I currently write in two different journals each with its own focus.  One is called Your Ears Will Hear – A Journal for Listening to God by Steve and Evy Klassen along with other contributors.  (www.markcentre.org)

There is a short story on each page, with a question or two, a scripture reference and room for me to write my response.  I purchased this journal last year while attending a weekend away with the Prayer Team formed from Freedom Session of which I am a part of.  We pray for one another and during the mid to latter part of the nine month healing/discipleship/recovery program, am honored to pray as a smaller team of two or three women with others who request it.

My other journal is a mish-mash of thoughts, rants, prayers, potential stories, requests and worries.  It is on those pages I can pour out the jumble of words that need to be ‘said’.

All this reading, writing, pondering, praying and soon to be painting on canvas again takes time.

And what I’ve learned is this: I’m a ponderer-planner-procrasinator-organizer-avoider-then doer kind of individual.

A few months ago I posted a note to myself that I created on my desktop screen which says, “If only for today I do a little bit then for my tomorrows I will have done a lot.”

I like to be busy, but busy can be a cover up for hiding…hiding my words or hiding what may be a pull to listen to God’s leading. As this is a year determined by me to move forward  I’m paying attention to the inner call, to others wisdom and taking one step at a time.

It is fun, threatening, empowering and nerve wracking to take steps into the unknown.  I don’t like to make mistakes yet would be the first one to tell others to just try it, and so what if some mistakes are made – at least try.

What I’m wondering is, is this just the mind of creations in process, of constant percolating images and words swirling around and around until the mix is right and spills out onto a screen, a canvas or a piece of paper?

How do you other creatives out there process?

Whew, so many questions.  I’m going to go back outside to My Happy Spot and take a break.